"Umm, how can you be ‘semiaquatic’, you either are aquatic or you’re not. Don’t be greedy."
"So, I get that you’re a monotreme and everything, but do you identify more as a rodent or a bird?"
"Ugh, why do you have to be such a special snowflake. Do you and like three other species need an entire order to describe yourselves that separates you from mammals that birth live young?"
"You needlessly complicate an artificially constructed system of classification. Why don’t you just lose the webbed feet and beak and egg laying ways and become a proper mammal."
"Ha! You may look like you belong to class Aves, but I know for a fact that birds don’t have fur. You’re such a phony."
"Why do you insist on appropriating beaks and webbed feet. Like, you admitted you weren’t a bird, stop incorporating them into your anatomy. All you’re doing is making birds look less legitimate as an order."
fat women deserve to be loved unapologetically without remorse.
fuck off with your self pity.
IIII don’t think that’s self pity, but yes, I agree
"oh god it’s so hard to love a fat woman. ugh, so embarassing. It’s such a struggle to deal with the stares. The glances. I don’t even think I can manage to take her out in public with me anymore. It’s so embarrassing."
"for the longest time I couldn’t even admit to myself that I found fat women attractive because of all that comes with loving fat women. seriously, if only people knew how hard it is. Dealing with it all. It’s such a burden."
GIRLS DONT READ this ones just for the fellas. only guys will get this one. bros you know when youre at the gym workin on your ‘toids to get big for the sports well OKAY I’m sure the ladies have stopped reading by now, so what’s their deal? how do I tell the girls I love them without having to talk? I’m scared
Do you have any good advice since youve been in college for awhile
1. Don’t be nice if it gets in the way of you being happy
2. Don’t judge people even if you think what they’re doing is wrong
3. If you give a mouse a cookie he’s going to want a glass of milk
4. Don’t let other peoples actions or feelings toward you dictate your life.
5. Don’t lie to protect peoples feelings.
6. Be okay with people not sharing your viewpoint holy shit.
7. Be friends with literally everyone.
8. Don’t worry about other peoples feelings over your own life they’ll be okay.
9. It’s okay to be vain for real though just love yourself lots and if it makes people uncomfortable eh so what
10. Play lots of music all the time. Life’s not so bad at 33 rpm.
if anyone ever calls you a slut just say ‘and yet i still won’t fuck you’ and then blow them a kiss as you saunter away because that’s the closest they’re ever gonna get to your magnificence, o smaug, chiefest and greatest of calamaties
“My father had taught me to be nice first, because you can always be mean later, but once you’ve been mean to someone, they won’t believe the nice anymore. So be nice, be nice, until it’s time to stop being nice, then destroy them.”—Laurell K. Hamilton (via planb-becomeapirate)
when i was a child i used to think teens were grown ups and when i was a teen i thought college students were grown ups and now that im a college student im just like what the hell is a grown up anymore
Now that I’m older than college age I’ve concluded that grown ups are a myth.
Last year during the Daylight Savings time shift, Marisa and I were at the diner around 1am, so when the clocks changed from 1:59am to 3am, these teenage girls at the table next to ours started freaking out because it was suddenly 3am, and they were convinced that they had been sitting at the table for two hours, and they were suddenly out past their curfew, and it was the funniest thing ever.